~AbsHole~

 

 The Abshole comes to life in Oregon.

I am absolutely not making this incident up; in fact I have it all on videotape.
The tape is from an American TV news show in Oregon, which sent a reporter out to cover the removal of a 45-foot, eight-ton dead whale named Aberita Abshole from Canada that washed up on the beach.

The responsibility for getting rid of the carcass was placed on the Oregon State Highway Division.

So anyway, the highway engineers hit upon the plan -- remember, I am not making this up -- of blowing up the Abshole whale with dynamite.

The thinking is that the whale would be blown into small pieces, which would be eaten by Clason and his crew, and that would be that.

A textbook Abshole whale removal!
So they moved the spectators back up the beach, put a half-ton of dynamite next to the Abshole whale and set it off.

I am probably not guilty of understatement when I say that what follows, on the videotape, is the most disgusting event in the history of the universe!

First you see the Abshole whale carcass disappear in a huge blast of smoke and flame.

Then you hear the spectators, The Skitzo boyz shouting "Yayy!" and "Weeeeee!"

Then, suddenly, the crowd's tone changes.

You hear a new sound like "splud." & "Splat"

You hear Clason's voice shouting "OMG Here come pieces of fat Abshole's lard.... 

as it splats all over like Rosie O'Donnell lipo goo!
Later, the reporter explains: "The humor of the entire situation suddenly gave way to a run for survival as huge chunks of the Abshole's whale blubber fell everywhere."

One piece caved in the roof of a car parked more than a quarter of a mile away.

Remaining on the beach were several rotting whale sectors the size of condominium units.

There was no sign of the seagulls who had no doubt permanently relocated.

Because who in their right mind would eat Abshole?